tank girl pipe

(no subject)



This journal is about 50% "Friends Only".

I've gotten in plenty of trouble for things I've said.

You never know who's reading, you know?

Comment, or just add me, and I'll probably add you back.

Unless you speak a language I don't understand. Sorry, Ruskies.


When I add people I think are neat, I try to leave a comment. But if I couldn't, I might have blind-friended you. Sorry about that. You don't have to add me if you don't want to.
  • Current Mood: awesome
tank girl pipe

All I want is more.

Oh boy. I have a lot to digest.

But I guess lets start with the life update stuff.

Friday Z took me out for a belated valentines day. We went to a moderately fancy place called Contigo and we got a lot of small plates and shared them and such. The place was fancy [I gussied myself up] but I was surprised how not-ridiculous the prices were. We'll have to go again sometime, although I'd prefer to just be able to go in jeans. Not that they have a dress code, but you know.

That night, it turned out, Landon and Tessa came down from Amarillo spontaneously. I was sort of on the fence about going out to Mr Tramps for hangouts and beers. I was p tired. So I decided to go to bed while Z went out.

Saturday Z had to work at the brewery to do tours. I dropped him off and went to the credit union to *finally* get started on my new years resolution- Get a credit card. So, I thought my credit was gonna be hella bad, but I somehow just have no credit. Which, I mean, okay. I'll take it. So, I'll find out if I get approved tomorrow. We'll see. Oh, and I'm getting renters insurance. Its cheap, and I have no excuse really.

After being responsible and an adult and shit, I went to the brewery and met up with Aaron and Aly and Landon and Tessa. We hung out for a bit, but they decided they were sleepy and they were gonna go back and nap. Z had to do his second tour. I just walked around the brewery neighborhood playing pokemon go.

Afterwards we were gonna get sushi at this place called Hanabi. We get there, sit down, and find out they dont do sushi anymore. Theyre a ramen place but also do grilled skewers. I didn't want to leave after being seated, so we just rolled with it. Tessa didn't want to nap and met up with us there. They were going to a Talking Heads cover band that night. Z and I were both like "nah" but Tessa said Landon really wanted us to hang out. Soooooo we went.

The show was fine, but I just dont care for the talking heads. I remeber last.fm used to be p good at recommending me music I'd like. But one time it was like "oh youd like the talking heads" and this is pre-youtube, so I torrented a best-of album and was thoroughly underwhelmed.

At any rate, after all that, we went to Black Star and then went home.

That night I had the worst cramps alongside indigestion. I slept like, an hour, was up for another 4, and then slept just a little bit more. But that's all right. I survived.

Sunday morning I went out to Debbie's to try on my wedding dress with the petticoat. It looks awesome, although I think I'mma get a corset. Anyone have any corset recommendations? Also, I'm glad even at my bloatiest, menstruatiest my dress looks good. We went to a place in Elgin called the brique. The food there was *so good* but the portions were huuuuge. I was so full.

Debbie's place is finally getting sold which really makes me sad. During a stint of homelessness, Debbie let me live out there with her, which was so sweet. Their land is really nice. But I guess landlords gonna lord the land.

After Debbie's, I went out by the Oasis brewery to meet up with my dad's old best friend Todd. He's been in Austin for, like, 20 years now, but we just hadn't been able to meet up. Well, we finally did. and I'm glad we did. But, of course, it comes with a lot to unpackage.

Its funny because I don't know that I have specifics. We were at the brewery for probably 3 hours. I had 3 beers. We got some chips and queso. We talked about my dad. What else do you say? He told me some acid trip stories which were perfect. Talked about how much my dad loved to golf. Talked about, idk, everything really. Ourselves too, you know? But

Okay, so like most of my dad's friends that I know, they met my dad when he was manic and really fucking christian. And thats fine. But I swear to god, like Dan H was like "your dad was a conservative man" and I am just like, man, you couldn't be farther from the truth. Like, he loved guns, but give any yankee a gun and they'll change their tune. My dad, minus the guns, was never a republican, I don't think. But I know the church makes you say/think/feel weird things. I did too as a kid, you know? I used to be super uber pro-life and hyper-conservative.

But I wanted to find that part of my dad that I know would still click with me post-christ. I want to know even if he'd be disappointed in me, we'd still be okay. I want to find the part of him that is in me. I'd like to think we'd listen to records and I'd peer pressure him into smoking weed with me and we'd have a good night. Maybe not though. Maybe he'd've gone super crazy conservative or something. Who knows. That's the worst part about death is mostly I just get to speculate and play around with scenarios that will never come to fruition.

I wonder how christianity would have played out in the long term with him. Clearly my fire did fizzle. But what about his? Would he subscribe to a more chill gospel? I think jpusa woulda been his speed for sure. especially with the whole christian rock roots. He was so fucking manic those 3 years before he died. His bipolar was long cycle more or less and he was just... fucking wacky the entire time. I wonder if they could have ever found the right medications for him to sort of balance him out.

But Todd, man, its so weird, I do the math. By all accounts, he's a stranger. I think I saw him last when I was 11. And I saw him a few other times as a kid. I can't remember any of these times. But we are just baring each other's souls like we've been lifetime friends. That's really what made everything about that night perfect. And maybe its that part of my dad thats in me that just was so overjoyed all night. It was so good. Talked about how my dad always cranked the music to 11 [even when I was a little kid trying to fking sleep hahaha]. Ah. I dunno. It was all so perfect and rebirthed my imagination and memories and stuff. It was simply perfect.

Todd collects coins. And he gave me a coin. That was so sweet of him. I've added it to my very small collection. but it meant so much to me and I'm like crying and it was just a present. I have no good explanation. Just holding it close.

His wife Andrea gave me a box of makeup. Its mostly like ipsy leftovers, but it was still very sweet of her. There was some good shit in there too.

I just hope i get to see him again soon. I don't want to have to wait another 4 years.

Today I had off, which was nice, although I didn't get too much done. I made the mistake of watching the latest episode of Steven Universe this morning [Spoiler (click to open)]So, its obviously not the same, but the frustration Steven expresses which only getting other people's takes on his mom and not getting to form his own hit me hard in the feels. I know this is the best I get with my dad, but I wish i had more. Soon I'll have spent more of my life without my dad than with him. This awful milestone is looming over me like a dark fucking cloud. I have so little. I barely remember shit. I didn't care about my dad when I was 15 because I was dumb and 15. And now I run around trying to find my dad in everyone else. But at least I have something. Its just not fair, though.

I really am thankful for everything I have. but I do still miss my dad. I wish I had more.

Finishing the rest of my day, I mostly was just melancholy, played pokemon go, and cleaned up the house a bit. The day flew by, but I felt like I did nothing.

And here I am. I'm glad to have gotten this all out, but I'm ready to shut off my brain and read.
  • Current Mood: melancholy melancholy
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tank girl pipe

In which I get to hear an album that doesn't exist.

I had the strangest dream last night.

Or rather this morning. I had gotten up to pee and went back to sleep. I can't remember the start of the dream too much, but I remember being in the studio audience for one of those Late Shows. I think it was Conan. So, the band is gonna play, and they have horns, a trombone, etc, and I'm like "oh is this a ska band? How cool would it be if it was Five Iron Frenzy [my favorite band]?" And it WAS. That's not the weird part though. So, I dream pretty lucidly, and I recognized some songs, while others were ones I had never heard before. FIF hadn't released a new album in a hot minute now, so it was pretty crazy that my brain had just made up all these songs. I remember there was one where there was sort of this audience gimmick where they start basically ... it was like the opposite of crowd surfing [movement toward the back] but with trash. the band started letting go of their trash and the audience helped dispose of it... then the audience started to do it too. It was weird but felt really interactive and spiritual. I remember then suddenly getting a hit of the lucids. Where I became well aware of the fact that I'm definitely dreaming. So I sit down and just sort of take in the music, lamenting the fact that I absolutely won't remember any of it when I wake up. I sat there for a good while. Someone else was there. I don't know if she was a friend, a girlfriend? Something like that. I was leaning on her at some point looking up, still just listening to the music. I was thinking about where the music could be coming from [sometimes outside noises will make it into my dreams]. I was so shocked my brain could make 5+ FIF songs I'd never heard before. Then, suddenly, I got the desire to wake up. It was weird, I knew my dream had to eventually end, but I also wanted to just leave since it was going to end anyway? At least that's one of my theories as to why I wanted to wake up. My other theory is that I wanted to get up before my alarm so I could remember the dream, and maybe even the music. [The shock of my alarm typically makes me forget my dreams]

I got up two minutes before my alarm. No music in the room. It was all from my mind. I can't remember a single song from the dream, of course. But it was a great album and I'm sorry I'll never get to hear it again.
tank girl pipe

(no subject)

Heyyyy

So, its freakin TUESDAY and NOT Wednesday. We'll see if I can get this entry out in time.

Friday night I played pokemon go for, like, 2 and a half hours. Walked 10km. It was a beautiful night, and it had an event and, idk. My regional dex is almost complete. I'm only missing a Muk and an Aerodactyl now. Z worked at the brewery that night, so once I was back and he got home we didn't do much of anything. I mean, we hung out and stuff, but you know.

Saturday Z had his birthday party. Oh I've got a good story for you. So I got up early to get Z's present. Let me tell you, I will *NEVER* not buy online ever again. So I wanted to get Z two things: physical scrabble [so i dont have to have the app] and Moonglow by Michael Chabon [one of his favorite authors]. So, first I go to the local board game shop- only to find out its been closed. Thats okay, Half Price Books is next door. Well they dont have boardgames NOR do they have the book. That's okay, I'll go to Dragon's Lair... Only Dragon's Lair didn't have the board game. So I bought a bunch of shit I didn't need [Munchkin, some comics]. Okay, well Terra Toys is right next door.... .... YOU GUESSED IT. NO SCRABBLE. Now at this point I'm thinking I should give up, but I am so remarkably stubborn. So I go to Walmart. The belly of the fucking beast. and STILL. THEE bustling hub of capitalism has NO SCRABBLE. Instead I buy wayyyyy too many girl scout cookies from the girl scouts selling in front of the store. Okay, so, I go to Target [hipster walmart] and FINALLY they have scrabble. They had only ONE box and its DENTED TO HELL, but I ran off with it.

Who knew we were in a Scrabble drought?

Ran to a bookstore, picked up the book. Went home just before the party started. Buuuuuuut I still wanted to do my makeup so we were late to our own party. ^^;

We started at pinthouse pizza. Ate food and drank. Then we went to Independence brewing and drank some more. I was DD, so I didn't drink too much. There was a taco truck there that was indian fusion. I wasn't even hungry but i got a taco anyway and it fucking ruled. hope to see that trunk around again sometime. Although the dude running it was totally hitting on me. He asked me if i had gone to some metal event at the brewery and I was like naw and he was like "oh you must look like someone else". Of course I mentioned us alternative grrls are a dime a dozen. he had to be like "oh no, youre so beautiful" and im like lol.

After all that, we just decided to hang out at the house, drink, and smoke hookah. I baked a box cake. It was a pretty good time although we bought too many fridge beers. Now I can hardly fit anything in the damn fridge.

Sunday Z and I went to a new brewery called Hi Sign out near the airport. Their beers were all right. We got all the syntax and info for the wedding invites written out. It was mostly painless. Afterwards, we got lunch at east side king and decided to "kill sometime" at half price books before the wwe ppv. first off, this was the worst idea ever- there was a ton of books/comics that we wanted so we spent wayyyy [and I mean wayyy] too much money. But we successfully killed time, I guess [yay?].

Oh, in the parking lot some panhandler asked for change. I was about to oblige when he asked if I had heard of "suicide squad" and I'm like the movie? I don't think? And he was like "yeah they all got their titties hanging out like you n look cool and shit". So that panhandler did not get any change from me :| You think he'd have more social skills since he's talking to a stranger for money.

At any rate, we headed to Tin's for some wrestlin'

So we always have these parties whenever there is a wwe ppv. I'd say overall the entire PPV was really, really good. [Spoiler (click to open)]Leave it to smackdown to always have the surprise wins. I was so happy to see Naomi win and Bray too.

And that's been p much it. This week I'm slowly catching up on all the chores I didn't do while I was sick. While I'm talking wrestling, I saw Raw and [Spoiler (click to open)]I was so excited that Bayley won. I mark out harder for her than anyone else. I think its just a sort of projection thing. But it still makes me super happy

V-day has been ho-hum since Z and I work alternate schedules. I got him some candy. I haven't got anything yet but hes "got some ideas" i guess. We'll see. PWR featured our engagement photos. I was mega stoked about it. Seems people liked em. A good VD post, I'd say :D

Diet's been okay. I'm about to be back down to 130. Now that I know what's obtainable for me, I think 125 is a realistic goal for the wedding. Or, yanno, somewhere around there. My old goal was 120, but I'd have to lose muscle to get it. I thought about losing the muscle I have, but I don't think I want that. I wanna be strong even though i'm smol.

Well, that's about it for life updates.
tank girl pipe

An uneventful week.

Sorry. I'd been intending on updating, but Z spent the last few nights home sick. I seem to only be able to update when I'm alone and un-distracted. Anyone else the same way?

I've got this fantastic breeze coming from the window by my computer. It really reminds me of the house I grew up in. I'd spend hours at the computer on lj, updating, listening to music, chatting on AIM, loving the breeze. I had a computer with a super loud fan that I was in love with. I miss that computer fan. I betcha I could find old entries from when I was 16 about these same things.

After my last post on Friday Z [I guess since I have so many new pals, Z is my fiance] was still sick. Not to mention I had been starting to get sick. Well I got *spectacularly* sick just in time for the weekend >___<"" It was Z's birthday weekend but we mostly spent it doing nothing.

I got a lot of reading done. I finished I Robot. I was frustrated because [Spoiler (click to open)] I felt like the chapter about the robots that didn't have the first law fully intact TOTALLY opened up a segue about the first two chapters [mainly, though, the first] about the robot that felt it was too smart too obey humans. Like how CRAZY would it have been that the actual 63rd robot had actually escaped, and made another one of the first-law-intact robots take the fall. That robot could have led the revolution from there. God, it writes itself! But instead the last chapter was about robots taking over in a different, more subtle way.. At any rate, the book was very good. Totally worth a read. While its obviously a sci-fi classic, I think anyone into detective novels would like it too.

I'm now onto reading a graphic novel version of Kindred. Its some seriously heavy shit, but perfect for black history month.

I played a lot of Pokemon Moon, although I find myself not playing endlessly like I would when a new pokemon game came out. I guess the same formula eventually gets old? But I don't hate it. It just doesn't captivate me as much as it could. It feels like the amped up the difficulty, though, which is nice.

Speaking of pokemon, they released an Austin map for pokemon go and its been nice to finally fill out my pokedex. I got a hitmonchan and a chansey (of course now they're more common because of the event). On.. Monday, i think it was, there was a Muk that spawned a mile away. I had 13 minutes to make it. Z had the car so I was on foot. I ran and ran and I am not a runner. I made it in 14 minutes and missed him :( Oh well. At least we know I have a 14 minute mile :\

I've also been playing am2r, a metroid 2 remake. Its a fan-made game, but some fans say its their favorite. When I was sick, I basically just shuffled reading, pokemon moon, and am2r.

Oh, while I was sick I finally saw Kubo. The animation was stunning, but the story was a little weak.

Also the super bowl was exciting but maaaaaan fuck the patriots.

I ordered these green tea kit-kats from japan back in DECEMBER. They came *today*. I was gonna include them in x-mas presents, buuuuttt I'mma just eat them myself.

Which is a *perfect* segue into my diet. I thought with the start of the new year I'd crack down on this shit and lose a little weight for the wedding, but the scale hasn't changed [it may have increased a pound even :\ but i know that's whatever] I know it has a lot to do with me and my eating habits. So, at least before the wedding, I've got to get serious. No more ice creams now that I'm no longer sick. More veggies. No salty snacks. etc. etc. While I like eating what I like and just counting calories/macros, I'mma have to be a bit more restrictive before the wedding, especially because I've been over-taking my fat macros real bad all month.

I really think that's about it. I didn't go out or do anything fun or exciting. This weekend should be much better for that. Its been warming up like crazy. Yesterday it was in the mid-80s! February 7th! 80s! But it'll be nice hiking weather.

Oh and I swear to science I'll post those pics soon.
  • Current Mood: nostalgic nostalgic
glitch

teenage politics, grown-up politics.

http://birdsbeforethestorm.net/2017/02/i-was-a-teenage-anarchist-and-now-im-a-mid-thirties-anarchist/

Oh this article has got me all nostalgic and wistful. It made me think of my days of dumpster diving and hell raising. Back when everything felt so much more simpler.

I'm still an anarchist, and I think this article helped me sort of realise why I still am. A part of me always worried it was habit, although I do believe anarcho-communism/anarcho-socialism is still compatible with me life and wants. But I'm not near as militant/angry as I used to be. I would love a post revolution society where i can just be with my friends or raise a family.

but times are dark so we're still fighting. ill fight even if im not in it for the fight.

Of course, after feeling all wistful and hopeful, I look at the news and look at facebook and i feel awful all over again.

god, did you see that stupid thing trump tweeting. basically insinuating that all the major protests against him are either paid protesters, thugs, or "professional" anarchists. How big does your ego have to be that you think literally all those people at those protests are one of these things?

i fear the future. he calls all the dissenters fake news. and then theres that not-real bowling green massacre that kellyanne conway mentioned. you know, real fake news. i feel like i have to constantly fact check everything. its exhausting. none of this shit is normal. everything feels fucked.

not to mention fucking up relations with fucking australia over refugees [which trump called 'illegal immigrants']

not to mention theres talks of ICE doing raids in Austin to deport people. what can be done? what can I do? its enough to pull my hair out.

they say its darkest before dawn, eh?
  • Current Mood: worried worried
tank girl pipe

(no subject)

Its been a little busy.

On the 20th we left for Nacogdoches. I thought I was going to at least do some protesting in the afternoon and then go later in the evening, but honestly, since friday, i've mostly just felt... panicky? sad? something? overwhelming sense of impending doom? either way, i felt shitty and just stayed inside. who cares.

That weekend we were in Nac and I can't say anything really happened. Mostly we just watch tv with what I guess I can now call the in-laws. But I got us out of the house a little. At a used book store I found JTHM for 3 freakin' dollars. other than that, not much. We met up with Mari who is basically the wedding planner. We had a lot of good stuff together, and she has a ton of table decor and shit we can use for free. Most everything is coming together on that front.

Sunday the packers lost in heartbreaking fashion. Well, idk, its better to make it obvious you're not gonna win rather than lose last second, i suppose. the superbowl has an obvious face/heel now, which is good. hah.

Monday Z's counsin Matt was crashing with us, with two of his friends Layla and Cheetah. Man, at first I was so pissed. They came in the morning [I thought I had till the afternoon to clean] and I was just, you know, I had just seen the in-laws and now I gotta see more people. But I got over it. They were all super cool and tbqh I didn't even see them that much. They mostly left while I was working which was nice. I was worried they'd hang around.

Tuesday night Sabrina and I went to the drafthouse to see Sailor Moon R movie. They re-did the translation and uncensored it. It is remarkably gay, which, obviously, is great. I mean, Sailor Moon has always been gay, but its always nice to see... i dunno, them un-do they damage they did in the 90s. Afterwards, I asked Sabrina to be in my wedding, which successfully gathers all my bridesghouls. I asked everyone with presents. And some people it went better than others... but Sabrina's went awesomely, mostly because I asked her with a gator head. lol

I've been thinking about my ... bachelorette-or-whatever party and realised basically my entire wedding party is out of town. Sooooooooo idk if i'll have one? or what? or maybe just do a austin-friends bachelorette thing? maybe? idfk. it kinda depressed me to think about.

yesterday was the last night cheetah and layla were around, so I went out with them to Easy Tiger and then we just hung out at the house. It was nice to actually hang out with them when im not in my pajamas just waking up.

god, politics have been depressing, no? seems like we're on day fucking 5? 6? and that clown has had executive orders out the ass. the cutting of sanctuary city funding terrifies me. the fucking wall infuriates me. like, the tariffs are so dumb because americans wind up paying for it anyway. 95% of the US's limes come from Mexico. ugh. it just all pisses me off. I've been depressed and upset. The headlines are occasionally misleading, even from my left-leaning pals. I typically have to be skeptical from usuncut or motherjones or huffpo. i hate feeling overwhelmed. i tend to just default to npr because i trust them and the headlines dont read like fucking clickbait. not to mention all this war on science business. ugh. everything feels pretty hopeless and i feel like i can't do much.

this weekend should be all right. we have the engagement photoshoot. i really need to get invites and a website up and going by the end of feb. sunday we're going to the royal rumble and im hella stoked. it should be a good weekend hopefully. hopefully itll cheer me up.

Speaking of cheerier, I updated my lj layout. It'd been a couple years.

Oh! Does anyone wanna help me pick out wedding shoes? I have a black egl dress and im down between https://www.etsy.com/listing/221075875/galaxy-intergalactic-planetary-spike and https://www.etsy.com/listing/221563396/platform-acid-crystal-boots halp!!

At any rate, that's all I have for now, anyway.
tank girl pipe

(no subject)

Yanno, I don't have too much to update on, but I'll update anyway.

I'd say most of my unsettled-ness and not-quite-depression has simmered down. Maybe I just pacified it with binge-watching breaking bad. Either way, it helped me settle down a little.

The weekend was pretty uneventful, honestly. Friday night Marco and his friend came up to spend the night. Marco's been spending almost every weekend over here because he hates San Antonio. He's moving soon, thankfully, but I can't help but relate. I was basically living in hell when I was in Round Lake. If I can extend a hand like Jeannette did to me when I lived there, well, I'm happy to do so.

Saturday, I got some false lashes for the engagement photo shoot. I'd always been told how awful false lashes are, but I find them relatively easy to put on and not really noticeable at all. Maybe its because I have large eyes? Idk. But now I'm hooked so who knows, I'll probably have a whole bunch eventually XD I eventually met up with Marco and his friend Sara(h) [i dont know which way she spells it]. Sara(h) seems really cool, although I didn't get to talk to her too much. We ate barbecue and donuts- they got some for me which was incredibly sweet. Both football games were thoroughly meh.

Sunday was more football, of course. Again, not very exciting games, although, as a Packers fan it brought me great joy to see how much we crushed the Giants. Next weekend is the Cowboys and Packers, again. It seems my relationship has to meet this struggle every few years. [Z is a Cowboys fan]. Well, we'll see how it goes this Sunday.

That night Mike and Jenna went with us to get pizza post football. It was nice to see them. They had actually invited us to brunch, but I declined only for mediocre football. We shoulda done lunch. But damn, pizza was good.

Which of course brings me to "omg diet". We finally got back into the swing of working out full time again now that the holidays are over. And I'm back in the decline, but I need to make sure to not make the entire weekend a "cheat weekend" and bring it back to a cheat day. This weekend I all but negated the work I did with donuts and bbq and pizza and such. Oh well. I thankfully have the wedding to motivate me a bit more, so thats nice.

God, speaking of wedding stuff, I've hardly gotten anything done. We really need to make some choices and then start /doing/ things. But I've been *thinking* about stuff a lot and thats what counts... right? [wrong.] Oh well.

Work's been fine although a little overwhelming for no reason at all lately. Maybe I'm just already in need of another vacation. Hah. It'll be okay. I've been filling in for a coworker who has been gone, so I think its that. He'll be back next week so I think the feeling is temporary.

Well, thats all I got.
tank girl pipe

LJ is dead stats 2016!!

So, as per usual, I am taking inventory of my friends list and seeing who posted in 2016. This will be counted as an "Active" journal, even if they only posted once or twice this year.

So regarding LJs on my friends list that have posted in 2016:

I have 305 friends total

27 people posted this year
278 people did not

so 91% of my friends list is inactive.

It was actually a little less than predicted, surprisingly. Last year I thought it would be 92%. I still think most of the people who are here are here to stay. My prediction is next year will be 93% unless I make some more friends.

It was surprising to see some people had updated but I couldn't see it. I can only assume they posted privately. LJ is a good medium for that, I suppose. But it mostly made me wish those people would have posted publicly [or friends only].

That said, I remember an old rant journal had said I had updated in 2015 when I most certainly had not. So maybe its glitched and the number is even more bleak that I know. Who knows!

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And, for those who like the past:

2015:
306 friends total

32 posted in the last year
274 did not

or, 90% of my friends list is inactive.
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2014:

304 friends total

38 posted in the last year
266 did not

or, 87% of my friends list is inactive.
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2013:

312 friends

68 had updated in the last year
244 had abandoned their lj

or 78% of my friends page was dead.
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2012:

316 friends

93 had updated in the last year
223 had abandoned their lj

or 70% of my friends page was dead.
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2011:

328 friends

129 had updated in the last year
199 had abandoned their lj

or 61% of my friends page was dead.
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Enjoy!
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