rayefrenzy HYPHEN Tuffington

I need to be more grateful.

I focus on what I don't have far too much.

So I have a couple VHS tapes of Sailor Moon recorded off of Toonami. Back in middle school, Sailor Moon came on at 3, and my school let out at 3:07. I would bike home as fast as I could, but I still never made it. So I recorded it (along with all these lame commercials from 1998).

For the first 5 minutes I didn't find Sailor Moon. I found my dad. Filming and talking and carrying on (and 13 year old me hiding from the camera. I may have been 14.)

I wish it wasnt just 5 minutes. i wish it were 50. maybe even 500. Still, it was really nice.

By the by, I quit smoking 6 days ago. Its nice.

I saw Devo live on Thursday. It was worth every dollar.

I've been scared lately, but I've got to keep my chin up. Why am i so depressed lately? I guess its a combination of things. The greatest reminder I have is that all these things are only temporary.

It's comforting.

Someone come visit me. I miss you faggots. I could use a familiar face.

New hair color. Stretching my second holes in my ears. New tattoo. Needed to shake things up a bit.

I'm in Headless John again (our folk band). I'm going to be playing violin. Its been YEARS since I played, so I'm basically starting from scratch... but I have this musical talent where I can pick up an instrument and play it. I'm super stoked about it. If anyone has a violin (the one I got is super busted. the chin rest doesn't exist anymore) or just simply a bow and a little thingy of resin, I'd appreciate it.

Life has been slowly getting better.

i'm back.

so emotionally drained i cannot move.

i have a lot to say when i can articulate myself properly.

but i dont think i'll be able to do that until the morning.

until then: cigarette and sleep.

good night, livejournal.

i cant believe i made it through today.

(not that there is some kind of alternative)

still.

shit got real tonight.

pray for peace.

YOU THINK SOMEONE WOULD BE KIND AND TREAT ME FUCKING NICE TODAY.

what the hell is everyone's problem.

i know im not the only one hurting, but "my hurts are unique"

no theyre not.

i cant be all "bawwwww dad" right now because everyones "bawwwwwwwwww" in general. but shit. stop treating me like im an annoying scab.

SOMEONE. BE. FUCKING. NICE. TO. ME. TODAY.

Happy would-have-been 52nd birthday, dad.

I miss you now more than ever. Each year gets fucking harder without you.

I told Franklin in some human attempt at prayer that if he saw you to tell you I said happy birthday. it seems lame, but maybe he did. and that comforts me.

i'm afraid to sleep. i'm afraid of being alone right now.

Suddenly, everything is thrown into perspective. Everything else I've been bitching about is so frivolous.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. [Hebrews 12:1]

Franklin fucking died in a car crash last night. Or maybe this morning.

This is fucking bullshit.

Morning came and I tried not to notice.
It was time for you to move along.
And The minutes fell like petals all around us,
Like a goodbye kiss when goodbye felt so wrong.
So you better get going,
You better move along now,
You better run off then and make yourself scarce.

These few days I have decided to be lazy.
They don't move or seem to end at all,
And my heart it is close enough to breaking
That it hurts just listening to your songs.

So you better get going,
You better move along now,
You better run off then and make yourself scarce.
Yeah,
You better get going,
You better move along now,
You better run off then and make yourself scarce.

It's been while now since you left,
And I can't seem to shake this lonely mood.
When the time comes, I'll try my best not to tell you:
Please don't leave again. Please, don't leave again.
I guess I'll say it now then.
Please don't leave me again.

Since it's all I have I want to go to sleep,
And dream of you and me just off the coast.
On a holiday so long and warm and lucky,
Always wake up in my bedroom all alone.

Guess I better wake up then,
Guess I better get going,
Guess I better run along now, and find my own way.
Yeah,
Guess I better wake up then,
Guess I better get going,
Guess I better move on now, and find my own way.
Guess I better wake up then,
Guess I better get going,
Guess I better move on now, and find my own way.
Guess I better wake up then,
Guess I better get going,
Guess I better move on now, and find my own way.

New layout. I'd say I'm 85% happy with it. I'd change how it words the time/date up top. And in my friends page view, trying to figure out who is posting in what comm is kinda obnoxious, but for not knowing css, i guess this is as good as it gets.

what do you think, internet?

going to bushnell till the 29th or 30th. wont have internet the entire time. so thats why i'm not around.

later, gays.

my everything hurts.

I had no idea what I was after, I'm just preparing for disaster with everything feeling so far away. Familiar faces, familiar lips, is there any point to this hanging around?

I was upset when that glass broke doing the dishes. At 11:11 every night I make wishes. Habit and superstition feed my foolish fires; they've been burning for a couple of months.

I stay out all day to keep these thoughts away. Why don't you give my feet a break and come back?

I remember in the kitchen when you told me your grandma died. That's when I realize it gets worse. I want to wish things last forever, won't you thicken my soft skin, you comfort me so and I remember, remember

When I walk through that door I won't hear the happy sounds anymore. This year took so much away and won't give it back.

I don't care if you move.
I don't care if it's far.
All that I ask is that I know where you are.
In case our timing is right.
In case you need more from me
than a bit of advice
or a tongue full of sympathy.

21 When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,
22 I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.

23 Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.

25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

Psalm 73:21-26

Its so hard to trust God when you don't want to. Its hard to take a passive role, but I have no other options.

First time i've used the internet in a frakking week.

Still gone in Oklahoma. I don't have a lot to say because I hate using this computer (half of the browser is covered in various search bars and its filled with shit. I should probably change my passwords when I get back to Chicago. I need to start carrying around a flash drive with linux on it)

I'll be back the 20th. I miss Chicago. My life feels convoluted again. I just wish I knew where to go next. Maybe everything will slowly reveal itself as time progresses.

On a more positive note, I think I've found my Booga <3

Yeah, I'm a fag.

tyler made that for me. i have the bestest friends in the universe

COME TO MY VIDEO GAME THEMED PARTY
TOMORROW. SUNDAY JULY 19th 7PM
YOU KNOW YOU ARENT DOING ANYTHING
YOU TOO, KRISS AND MELLIE. I KNOW ONNA YOU GUYS READS THIS!
MY HOUSE IN CHICAGO. UPTOWN, BITCHES. LEMME KNOW IF YOU NEED HOUSE NUMBERS, PHONE NUMBERS, OR JUST PLAIN NUMBERS.
DRESS UP AS VIDEO GAME SHIT. IM GOING AS NESS. SURPRISE, SURPRISE.
I HEAR SOME PEOPLE ARE GONNA BE TETRIS PIECES.

I'm tryin' to get logan to wear this mudkip costume. lulz will ensue.

So, I have to make an update about the fest still. And about life in general. But instead, I'm giving you a birthday list... because my birthday might be tomorrow.

BIRTHDAY LIST:
acrylic paints (white is needed most)
LCD monitor (yeah, right)
Monster Zoo by Doug Tennapel (Chicago Comics has it in stock)
manic panic electric banana hair dye (cheapest here. cant seem to find it irl anymore.)
money


My party is gonna be next week sunday. I'll make a proper post about it when I organise a time, but its gonna be video game themed. I'mma dress up as Ness from Earthbound. ill have some systems up, have a chiptunes dance party, and later in the evening watch The Wizard. Racinians, its about time you came and visited me in the chaitown. Metra in Kenosha drops you off, like, a mile and a half away from my house. I can even pick you up.

So, I'm leaving in a few hours to go to Cornerstone Festival. Won't be back till probably Monday the 6th. Everybody b& everybody while I'm gone.

Also, I was gonna send a mass text out about this as well, but on Monday the 29th, my mom is shuttin' off my phone. I don't really have any other ways to be gotten a hold of except for the internet. Which isn't terrible. Just so you guys know.